Dedicated to Mario Puzo who passed on July 2, 1999
...to beautiful magical and creative realms as the Merlin he always
was....with thanks for his support, mentoring, and love.
~Carol Gino

     I spent the day moping around, feeling depressed and out of sorts. I'd just been to the doctor with my lifemate, Mario, and we'd been told he had only a short time to live. I reassured him that death was just a transition, that I was sure there was a life after this one, which horrified him, and comforted him too I'm certain. But then I came home and once alone, I got depressed. I hate when I get mopey like that so I decided to meditate. I do that like some people take aspirin for every ache and pain...my new age remedy for whatever ails me...

I put on some New Age music, sat in my chair and closed my eyes. Once I said my prayers for Divine Light and Protection, my consciousness shifted and I saw Rashana standing waiting for me. Her angel outfit was a light lavender and it was silken and unwrinkled. She stood with her hand out reaching toward me...I took it.

“Want to go to the Yard sale?” she asked.

“No,” I snapped, “I don’t. Not today.”

“What’s the matter?” she asked. “Feeling sad?”

“I just don’t want to go to the Yard sale,” I said. “I’m tired of the
Yard sale...”

“What do you want to do?” she asked.

“Just sit on the grass and talk, I guess,” I said.

“Sure,” she said., “Come over here.”

She waved her hand and suddenly we were sitting in a meadow. It was a beautiful meadow with lush green grass dotted with yellow daises.

“This okay?” she asked.

“It's pretty,” I said.

She flopped down in the grass, her lavender dress making a circle around her. I flopped down next to her. She reached up then and gently stroked my hair. “Close your eyes,” she said.

“I want to show you something.”

She took me back then to the balcony at Malibu, and suddenly I was standing looking at the dolphins playing in the ocean in front of me. They were making music again, talking to me, reassuring me, just like when I found out my father had cancer and I knew it was only a matter of time.... That day the sun was shining and the water was a clear bright blue. The warm, breeze stroked my skin, comforting me.

It was on that same Malibu beach that I found myself walking after my grandson Greggy died. The same water soothed me, the same dolphins comforted me with their high pitched song.

But I was in a motor boat, cutting through the still blue waters off the coast of Italy when my good friend Frany, who was dying of cancer, and me were on our way to Venice.

I remembered how the city of Venice rose like a glittering dinosaur from out of the deep like some mythic creature. And how, during the celebration for Our Lady of the Plague, Frany and I stood on the balcony looking out over the Venitians as they rode past in their decorated gondolas, gondoliers dressed in full regalia, beautiful young women in long silky gowns with laurel leaves crowning their heads. The sound of mandolins playing and the bright luminous fireworks lit up the skies and
made that night magical.

I thought about all the beautiful places my lifemate, Mario, had taken me and how I had never been able to fully enjoy them because during each time, there seemed to be an event in my life which was causing me “suffering.”

Rashana spoke then,

“Can you see now that the reason you were able to handle the “suffering” was because of the healing power of the beauty that surrounded you?”

“I never thought about it like that,”

I told her,

“I just thought I couldn’t really enjoy the beauty because of the suffering...”

“The beauty of nature is a natural healer...” she said.

“In every way we could, spirit has tried to make your life experience less “suffering.”

I smiled weakly at her.

“Thank you,” I said.

“It helped. And even though I know that sickness and death are inevitable in Life, even with all the
experience in nursing I’ve had, somehow it always comes as a surprise to my heart.”

“Change is a constant,” she said, holding my hand. “You know that.”

I started to cry. “Before when I was unhappy in my life, I wanted change. I welcomed change. But now, my life is better. I don’t want it to change...”

“Let me tell you a story,” Rashana said then.

“I’m not good company today,” I said. “You might be wasting your time...I probably won’t appreciate it.”

“Then let me ask you some questions,” she said.

I nodded.

“Didn’t you always wish for the Prince?” she asked.

“I did,” I said, sniffling.

“And when you married, did you promise to love, honor and obey?” she asked.

“I did,” I said. “But I was young. And I couldn’t do it.”

“And the second time you married?” she asked.

“I was older, but I still couldn’t do it...” I admitted.

“And with Mario?” she said.

“With Mario, I could do it,” I said. “He was worth it and he gave me time to grow into myself.”

“And so in the truest sense you kept your vows, because any vows we make are always to ourselves,” she said.

“But we never got married,” I said. “We never even got engaged. We were buddies, and lovers and friends...but that’s it.”

Rashana cocked her head, her blond hair falling over one eye, when she asked, “Did he ever hurt you?”

“Yes,” I said, “But not intentionally, I’m sure. Only when to give me what I asked for would have forced him to betray himself.”

“And would you have wanted him to do that?” she asked, “Or do you really understand and forgive him any injury he caused?”

“I understand and so there’s nothing to forgive,” I said, crying again.

“Do you love him unconditionally then?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I’m sure I do.”

Rashana stood up and smiled. Then she shouted, “Yeah! She did it!”

I was confused. “What are you talking about?” I asked her.

“Magic,” she said.

“I don’t get it,” I said.

“That’s because you don’t know the rules,” she said.

“Well, don’t stand there just being happy,” I said. “Explain them.”

She plopped down again on the grass. “Well, you see, a Prince can’t be seen with human eyes. And a human mind is incapable of seeing anything but a toad. A Prince falls outside the brain’s peripheral vision. But the heart of a true Princess can always recognize a Prince even if he’s disguised as a toad, or in this case, a human being. Now, this is the real trick. Once that princess can love the toad AKA
Prince...unconditionally...it happens!”

“What happens?” I asked.

“He’s transformed into a Prince, becomes immortal and moves on to mythic realms. Never to be a toad again. No matter how many lifetimes he lives. He’s a Prince from that day foreword for all time.”

“And the Princess?” I asked. “What happens to her?”

Rashana shook her head. “Don’t you get it? She grows up. She has to in order to turn into the Fairy Godmother who can break the spell that first made the Prince a toad!”

I thought about it. “It’s complicated,” I said. “Still, I think I understand. But what happens to the Fairy Godmother then? She goes on forever just removing curses, doing good deeds, and granting wishes?”

Rashana looked puzzled. “What’s missing from that picture?” she asked.

“The Fairy Godfather,” I said. “Or else she’s got to go through eternity alone...”

“Alone?” Rashana said, looking really confused. “No one is ever alone. Especially a Fairy Godmother.”

“Why?” I asked.

Rashana waved her finger at me, something she’d never done before. I could see she was really frustrated.

Finally she spoke. “Use your head. Use your wand,” she said. “She’s a Fairy godmother! She can turn a frog into a prince. She can turn a cow into a castle. She can turn a rock into a harp. She can transform
anything into anything she wants. So, if she wants, she can turn a snake into a fairy godfather...”

“That cheers me up,” I told her. “Now, I feel much better...”

“Why?” she said. “What does a fairy godfather do? What can he do for you?”

I got impatient. “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe nothing. I just want to have the choice...”

Rashana reached up into the sleeve of her lavender gown. She pulled out a long sparkling gold wand and handed it to me. Then she kissed me on the cheek and she put her hand on my head, “I now proclaim you Fairy Godmother of Creativity. Go,” she said. “Turn whatever you want into whatever else you want. Go create...” she said smiling. “Just make it magical.”